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Envelope addressed to:

John P. Ingledew Esq.

Cardiff

South Wales

Stamp: Penny red

Postmark: Knaresborough (?) AP 21 1870

 

My dear John,

I am really very much obliged to you - Mr. O. was a little bit angry with me for he did not know what I had said to you and thinks I may have put you to some inconvenience. I hope it has not done so, I ask please for this 150 will cover Dr's bills, Miss Todd, extra house expenses, and the many ------s I have had and must have now. I have got so ------ed and my appetite is failing.

You see these things have fidgetted me much. Mr. O. tries to keep me from knowing but he can't. I will write to Wm. to draw me up a receipt for you, and to add a memorando ----- or whatever else is proper. I get weaker and weaker, my strength seems to be gradually stealing away. I was in the garden for 10 minutes on Saturday and Sunday but had to be carried upstairs. I am obliged to lay down nearly every 2 hours, I cannot either wash or dress myself now. Yesterday morning I wakened at 3.30 with a violent coughing fit. Mr. O. went for Miss Todd who lit my fire, got me hot tea, then brandy, then my ------ medecine. I was soaked with a clammy perspiration, had to change, then ------ came on, then vomiting caused by my inability to cough all up, and at last at 5 I was put back into bed. After laying a few minutes I had 2 fainting fits, this morning I have been nearly as bad.

Every morning I waken from 1 to 4 to cough, and somebody has a fire to light to get me hot tea. Nothing else will relieve. Wine, and hot water beside my chest, oranges, ------, cold water and very dry crusts of bread I have tried. They do a little good but nothing but a warm liquor or steam will bring the slow suffocating mucus away. We are going to try and get an apparatus for boiling a little kettle by a lamp, does Susan know of anything? We sent for the Dr. yesterday. He thinks the hot weather is affecting me, and also my chest is loaded and when I can cough all up I shall get relief until more passes again. He assures me I will not suffocate nor die a slow death, two things I have dreaded.

I felt and said I should never rally from the last terrible attack just before Annie and Lizzie came to see me, I have never got my strength back. I have got all my things arranged, every debt but about 3 paid, all Mr. O's clothes put in order, an inventory taken of linen, silver, glass, china and other household matters for Mr. O., who poor man hardly knows what he has got. You see I am preparing for death which must come to me before very long but Oh John I feel sometimes as if my heart would break when I think of leaving my darling husband. He has been so kind and has loved me so, and I have been so happy with him. If I could only feel sure that we would all meet in Heaven. Try John, try while you have health to be certain of a home there hereafter. Don't let business or family love make you forget your God. Worship Him publicly once a day in your household. Think how bitterly I suffer from anxiety and thenceforward do not yet feel that I am resting in the sure hope of a glorious resurrection. I will leave you my Bible, it is too small print for Mr. O. Promise me mentally dearest brother to read 1 verse daily if not more.

You must come and see us at Whitsun. Today Dr. Beaumont ------- to tell me directly there is immediate danger and he will telegraph for you. There will be no wasting away I pray in my case as in consumption. Mr. O. has been very busy for some months with -------- cases. You will be glad to know his occupation this way is increasing. The farm is also doing well and I hope in Autumn good profits will be made.

I am very tired but wanted to say all this. Sometime now Mr. O. and Dr. Todd will write to you and I can always scribble with pencil. Love to all

Yr. affectionate sister

M. D. O.